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Interactive Holmes

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Interactive Holmes

Mesaj Scris de Ph3niX la data de Mier Iun 06 2012, 20:40


Act 1


Scene 1:

ZOEI: My lady, Mr Mudlly had come.
EMILY: Thank you for telling me. You may let him in.
(Mr. Mudlly enters)
MR. MUDLLY: Oh my, lady Emily you are as charming as ever. (Turns the head to Zoei) You can go now.
(She is staying and watching lady Emily)
MR. MUDLLY: I said go! You filty ma-
(Lady Emily intrerupts him)
EMILY: Zoei, please go and make a tea for Mr. Mudlly and me!
ZOEI: Yes my lady.
(She goes)
(Mr. Mudlly walks angry)
EMILY: And what bussines does it bring you here, today?
MR. MUDLLY: I’ve come to remember you that tomorrow is my sister birthday party.
EMILY: Oh! Of course I’ll come with pleasure, but I would like to take me from home at 7:00 p.m. please, and I hope it isn’t an inconvenient time.
MR. MUDLLY: Don’t worry, lady Emily, I’ll come to take you at 7:00 p.m.
(Zoei enters with the tea)
ZOEI: Your tea my lady, Mr. Mudlly (She puts the tea on the table)
EMILY: Thank you Zoei.
ZOEI: You are well-
(Mr. Mudlle intrerupts her)
MR. MUDLLY: Well that was all. If you don’t mind, I will take my leave.
EMILY: Oh! You are leaving allredy?
MR. MUDLLY: Yes. I’m in a hurry with a bussines.
EMILY: If that’s all, then, thank you for coming to remember me. Have a good day.
MR. MUDLLY: Thank you, and also I hope you have a good day!
(Mr. Mudlly goes)







Scene 2:

(Is 7:00 p.m. in the night of the party. Mr. Mudlly arives at the mansion of lady Emily. He enters after seeing no one there.)
MR. MUDLLY: (Shouting) Hello! Lady Emily? Zoei? Is someone here?
(He saw Zoei lieing on the floor and try to wake her up. She woke up sudenly)
ZOEI: Lady Emily! Where is my lady?! Please help her!
Call the police! Please! (she starts crying)


Act 2

CHARACTERS: POLICEMAN 1; POLICEMAN 2; INS. HALFWAY; HOLMES; WATSON

Scene 1:

(Is 8:00 a.m. in the morning, after the party at the mansion of lady Emily. The cops closed the zone for searching for clues. Inspector Halfway is also there.)
POLICEMAN 1: Inspector!
INS. HALFWAY: What? Did you found something?
POLICEMAN 1: No, but someone entered the restricted zone, and want to speak with you.
INS. HALFWAY: What is his name?
POLICEMAN 1: He didn’t said.
(Policeman 2 and Holmes enter)
POLICEMAN 2: Hey stop! You can’t enter here!
(Ins. Halfway recognised Holmes)
INS. HALFWAY: Let him stay!
POLICEMAN 2; POLICEMAN 1: Inspector!
POLICEMAN 1: Do you know him?
INS. HALFWAY: Of course I know him. He is detective Holmes. Sherlock Holmes.
(The two policeman turn to Holmes)
POLICEMAN 1; POLICEMAN 2: Mr. Holmes!
POLICEMAN 1: We are sorry!
POLICEMAN 2: For being rude!
(Policeman 1 and Policeman 2 bow at the same time and hit their heads togeter)
HOLMES: Ha! Ha! Ha! Funny guys. Everithing is fine. You don’t have to be sorry.
INS. HALFWAY: Ok guys, you can go now. Please leave us alone for a little.
POLICEMAN 1; POLICEMAN 2: Yes Inspector! Mr. Holmes have a nice day.
(They go out)
HOLMES: Ha! Ha! Ha! Funny guys. I like them.
INS. HALFWAY: Ok Holmes. Why are you here
HOLMES: “Why?” you ask? Well I’ve come to see an old frend.
INS. HALFWAY: Sure… After disapering for two years?
HOLMES: Yes! Something like that.
(Watson is entering tired)
WATSON: Mr. Sherlock why do you run like this every time you se a restricted area? (He saw Ins. Halfway) Ins. Halfway sorry for the intrusion.
INS. HALFWAY: No problem Watson. I’m glad to see you again.
HOLMES: Allright guys. So Inspector, what do we have here (He is sudenly serious)

TO BE CONTINUED...

*imi cer scuze pentru greselile gramaticale
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Re: Interactive Holmes

Mesaj Scris de Dark Fantasy la data de Mier Iun 06 2012, 22:58

Well...that`s nice :-?

I`m not really used to this kind of prose, exceptin Caragiale`s well`known comedies but I thought it`d be nice to try something new.
I really enjoyed it at first, those characters gave me the feeling of reading something from the middle ages, their behaviour and that party, everything made me feel like watching an old movie...I don`t know why I just did. And then I saw Sherlock`s name. Then I started lovin` it.
About the gramatical errors...I think I saw some, buuuut I`m not really that good at english so I`ll let someone else to correct them.

And I`m really waiting for your next post, I really wanna know what happened to Emily.
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Re: Interactive Holmes

Mesaj Scris de Goowmba la data de Mier Iun 06 2012, 23:02

Ph3niX a scris:
Act 1


Scene 1:

ZOEI: My lady, Mr Mudlly had come.
EMILY: Thank you for telling me. You may let him in.
(Mr. Mudlly enters)
MR. MUDLLY: Oh my, lady Emily you are as charming as ever. (Turns the head to Zoei) You can go now.
(She is staying and watching lady Emily)
MR. MUDLLY: I said go! You filty ma-
(Lady Emily intrerupts him)
EMILY: Zoei, please go and make a tea for Mr. Mudlly and me!
ZOEI: Yes my lady.
(She goes)
(Mr. Mudlly walks angry)
EMILY: And what bussines does it bring you here, today?
MR. MUDLLY: I’ve come to remember you that tomorrow is my sister's (nefolosind "'s"-ul ar fi ca si cum ai zice: "maine este ziua sora mea") birthday party.
EMILY: Oh! Of course I’ll come with pleasure, but I would like to take me from home at 7:00 p.m. please, and I hope it isn’t an inconvenient time.
MR. MUDLLY: Don’t worry, lady Emily, I’ll come to take you at 7:00 p.m.
(Zoei enters with the tea)
ZOEI: Your tea my lady, Mr. Mudlly (She puts the tea on the table)
EMILY: Thank you Zoei.
ZOEI: You are well-
(Mr. Mudlle intrerupts her)
MR. MUDLLY: Well that was all. If you don’t mind, I will take my leave.
EMILY: Oh! You are leaving already?
MR. MUDLLY: Yes. I’m in a hurry with a bussines.
EMILY: If that’s all, then, thank you for coming to remember me. Have a good day.
MR. MUDLLY: Thank you, and also I hope you have a good day!
(Mr. Mudlly goes)







Scene 2:

(Is 7:00 p.m. in the night of the party. Mr. Mudlly arives at the mansion of lady Emily. He enters after seeing no one there.)
MR. MUDLLY: (Shouting) Hello! Lady Emily? Zoei? Is someone here?
(He saw Zoei lieing on the floor and tried to wake her up. She woke up suddenly)
ZOEI: Lady Emily! Where is my lady?! Please help her!
Call the police! Please! (she starts crying)


Act 2

CHARACTERS: POLICEMAN 1; POLICEMAN 2; INS. HALFWAY; HOLMES; WATSON

Scene 1:

(Is 8:00 a.m. in the morning, after the party at the mansion of lady Emily. The cops closed the zone for searching for clues. Inspector Halfway is also there.)
POLICEMAN 1: Inspector!
INS. HALFWAY: What? Did you find something?
POLICEMAN 1: No, but someone entered the restricted zone, and wants to speak with you.
INS. HALFWAY: What is his name?
POLICEMAN 1: He didn’t say
(Policeman 2 and Holmes enter)
POLICEMAN 2: Hey stop! You can’t enter here!
(Ins. Halfway recognised Holmes)
INS. HALFWAY: Let him stay!
POLICEMAN 2; POLICEMAN 1: Inspector!
POLICEMAN 1: Do you know him?
INS. HALFWAY: Of course I know him. He is detective Holmes. Sherlock Holmes.
(The two policeman turn to Holmes)
POLICEMAN 1; POLICEMAN 2: Mr. Holmes!
POLICEMAN 1: We are sorry!
POLICEMAN 2: For being rude!
(Policeman 1 and Policeman 2 bow at the same time and hit their heads togeter)
HOLMES: Ha! Ha! Ha! Funny guys. Everithing is fine. You don’t have to be sorry.
INS. HALFWAY: Ok guys, you can go now. Please leave us alone for a little.
POLICEMAN 1; POLICEMAN 2: Yes Inspector! Mr. Holmes have a nice day.
(They go out)
HOLMES: Ha! Ha! Ha! Funny guys. I like them.
INS. HALFWAY: Ok Holmes. Why are you here
HOLMES: “Why?” you ask? Well I’ve come to see an old frend.
INS. HALFWAY: Sure… After disappearing for two years?
HOLMES: Yes! Something like that.
(Watson is entering tired)
WATSON: Mr. Sherlock why are you running like this every time you see a restricted area? (He saw Ins. Halfway) Ins. Halfway sorry for the intrusion.
INS. HALFWAY: No problem Watson. I’m glad to see you again.
HOLMES: Allright (forma corecta este "alright") guys. So Inspector, what do we have here (He is sudenly serious)

TO BE CONTINUED...

*imi cer scuze pentru greselile gramaticale

Aualeu, timpurile astea... e grele, grele rau. (ti-am modificat ce este gresit)
Ideea in general pare interesanta. Sper sa il continui cat de curand si sa incerci sa te exprimi mai bine data viitoare Smile.

Multa bafta.


Ultima editare efectuata de catre Goowmba in Joi Iun 07 2012, 18:55, editata de 1 ori
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Re: Interactive Holmes

Mesaj Scris de SaberSlashS la data de Joi Iun 07 2012, 16:06

umm...dude....nu se presupunea sa scriem,nu stiu,in romana?
Adica,ce a scris si Gwoomba,macar sa fi sigur ca scrii corect in romana...Bonus ca,dupa cum observi,forumul este ''pus'' pe limba romana(asta vezi si cand iti corecteaza greselile de scriere)
In rest ce sa spun,dragut...da nu la fel de tari ca ale lui rasen...
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Re: Interactive Holmes

Mesaj Scris de Goowmba la data de Joi Iun 07 2012, 18:49

SaberSlashS a scris:umm...dude....nu se presupunea sa scriem,nu stiu,in romana?
Adica,ce a scris si Gwoomba,macar sa fi sigur ca scrii corect in romana...Bonus ca,dupa cum observi,forumul este ''pus'' pe limba romana(asta vezi si cand iti corecteaza greselile de scriere)
In rest ce sa spun,dragut...da nu la fel de tari ca ale lui rasen...

Da, aici sunt complet de acord cu tine. Este adevarat ca "Sherlock Holmes" este de origine engleza, eu nu am nimic impotriva faptului ca tu ai scris in engleza, dar daca nu esti sigur ca poti stapani o limba diferita fata de limba ta materna foloseste limba romana.
Acum, banuiesc ca daca ai inceput intr-un fel, trebuie sa continui in acel fel. Asa ca, succes in continuare Smile
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Re: Interactive Holmes

Mesaj Scris de Ph3niX la data de Sam Iun 09 2012, 23:16

Multumesc ...
Iar textul l-am facut in limba engleza deoarece profa de engleza m-a pus sa-l fac pentru inspectie....
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Re: Interactive Holmes

Mesaj Scris de Chlo la data de Mar Iul 10 2012, 13:47

Act 1


Scene 1:

ZOEI: My lady, Mr Mudlly has come.
EMILY: Thank you for telling me. You may let him in.
(Mr. Mudlly enters)
MR. MUDLLY: Oh my, lady Emily you are as charming as ever. (Turns his head to Zoei) You can go now.
(She is staying and watching lady Emily)
MR. MUDLLY: I said go! You filthy ma-
(Lady Emily intrerrupts him)
EMILY: Zoei, please go and make a tea for Mr. Mudlly and me!
ZOEI: Yes my lady.
(She goes)
(Mr. Mudlly walks angry)
EMILY: And what bussines does it bring you here, today?
MR. MUDLLY: I’ve come to remember remind you that tomorrow is my sister's birthday party.
EMILY: Oh! Of course I’ll come with pleasure, but I would like you to take me from home at 7:00 p.m. please, and I hope it isn’t an inconvenient time.
MR. MUDLLY: Don’t worry, lady Emily, I’ll come to take you at 7:00 p.m.
(Zoei enters with the tea)
ZOEI: Your tea my lady, Mr. Mudlly (She puts the tea on the table)
EMILY: Thank you Zoei.
ZOEI: You are well-
(Mr. Mudlle intrerrupts her)
MR. MUDLLY: Well that was all. If you don’t mind, I will take my leave.
EMILY: Oh! You are leaving allready?
MR. MUDLLY: Yes. I’m in a hurry with a bussines.
EMILY: If that’s all, then, thank you for coming to remember remind me. Have a good day.
MR. MUDLLY: Thank you, and also I hope you have a good day!
(Mr. Mudlly goes leaves)







Scene 2:

(Is 7:00 p.m. in the night of the party. Mr. Mudlly arrives at the mansion of lady Emily. He enters after seeing no one there.)
MR. MUDLLY: (Shouting) Hello! Lady Emily? Zoei? Is someone here?
(He saw sees Zoei lieing lying on the floor and try tries to wake her up. She woke wakes up suddenly)
ZOEI: Lady Emily! Where is my lady?! Please help her!
Call the police! Please! (she starts crying)


Act 2

CHARACTERS: POLICEMAN 1; POLICEMAN 2; INS. HALFWAY; HOLMES; WATSON

Scene 1:

(Is 8:00 a.m. in the morning, after the party at the mansion of lady Emily. The cops closed the zone for searching for clues. Inspector Halfway is also there.)
POLICEMAN 1: Inspector!
INS. HALFWAY: What? Did you found find something?
POLICEMAN 1: No, but someone entered the restricted zone, and wants to speak with you.
INS. HALFWAY: What is his name?
POLICEMAN 1: He didn’t said say.
(Policeman 2 and Holmes enter)
POLICEMAN 2: Hey stop! You can’t enter here!
(Ins. Halfway recognised recognises Holmes)
INS. HALFWAY: Let him stay!
POLICEMAN 2; POLICEMAN 1: Inspector!
POLICEMAN 1: Do you know him?
INS. HALFWAY: Of course I know him. He is detective Holmes. Sherlock Holmes.
(The two policemen turn to Holmes)
POLICEMAN 1; POLICEMAN 2: Mr. Holmes!
POLICEMAN 1: We are sorry!
POLICEMAN 2: For being rude!
(Policeman 1 and Policeman 2 bow at the same time and hit their heads togheter)
HOLMES: Ha! Ha! Ha! Funny guys. Everything is fine. You don’t have to be sorry.
INS. HALFWAY: Ok guys, you can go now. Please leave us alone for a little.
POLICEMAN 1; POLICEMAN 2: Yes Inspector! Mr. Holmes have a nice day.
(They go out)
HOLMES: Ha! Ha! Ha! Funny guys. I like them.
INS. HALFWAY: Ok Holmes. Why are you here
HOLMES: “Why?” you ask? Well I’ve come to see an old friend.
INS. HALFWAY: Sure… After disapering disappearing for two years?
HOLMES: Yes! Something like that.
(Watson is entering tired)
WATSON: Mr. Sherlock why do you run like this every time you see a restricted area? (He saw Ins. Halfway) Ins. Halfway sorry for the intrusion.
INS. HALFWAY: No problem Watson. I’m glad to see you again.
HOLMES: Allright guys. So Inspector, what do we have here (He is suddenly serious)


Așa, după corectările de rigoare, puține ce-i drept vin și cu un comentariu. Îmi place, mai ales pentru că sunt o mare fană Sherlock Holmes, și mai ales pentru că e scris în engleză. Desigur, observ, că ai încercat să păstrezi un registru de redactare tipic literaturii clasice, sau mai bine spus al englezei clasice. Bineînțeles există anumite greșeli pe care nu am îndrăznit să le corectez pentru că schimbau puțin tonul lucrării tale. Văd că ai surprins exact atitudinea imprevizibilă a lui Holmes, ceea ce e foarte plăcut.
Nu știu dacă există o continuare, sau dacă o să o postezi, whatsoever, dar mi-ar plăcea la nebunie să o citesc, plus de asta te ajută și foarte mult la evoluția pe plan lingvistic. Way to go.
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Re: Interactive Holmes

Mesaj Scris de Schizo la data de Joi Iul 12 2012, 19:55

Nu-mi dau seama de ce nu am scris aici încă. Anyway, frumoasă idee, dar stai rău cu engleza. Ți-o spun pe șleau, ai de lucrat la ea. Sunt admirabile efortul și ideea, dar, după cum vezi, și ceilalți useri spun că ar trebui să fii mai atent când scrii în engleză. Poate să rogi pe cineva să arunce un ochi înainte să postezi și să fii acolo, lângă el, să vezi și să înțelegi unde și de ce ai greșit. Altfel, după primul post nu aș putea să îmi fac o impresie clară, dar aștept continuarea să vedem cum continuă povestea.
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